call

What a moment that was; with the wind gushing thru my hair, cold, choppy as though cutting my face with spears. Wind so rough as though trying to take me off my feet, off my hold of the earth beneath me.

Wind… so rough as though laughing at me. At my situation, at my confidence, at the person I am.
Should I go with the wind or should I refrain? Just as I was thinking about it the wind got stronger. Making sounds of that of a huge whale.. calling me, prompting me to move on… to surrender.
Moments passed…. Then suddenly the wind changed its flow. It was a storm but calm. It was firm but suddenly gentle, as though caressing my face with its hands and yet pushing me from behind to go towards it.

I was tempted to follow but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t let go… of the ground beneath me… of all that was in me.
But I could feel myself losing my hold. I had to stand firm on ‘my ground’. But the more I was holding on to my land the wind would cheat me by coming from different directions.
Now I didn’t know where it was coming from. I was suddenly surrounded by it. I couldn’t see it but I could feel it. I knew I was trapped in it as though in the middle of a cyclone. Funnily I wasn’t feeling suffocated. Rather I was sensing something that I had never sensed before.

The wind was getting stronger but it wasn’t hurting me anymore nor was it tempting me towards it. It was indifferent.
Why isn’t it calling me now? Why is it changing so much, now that I was beginning to like it. To accept it. Why was it not reciprocating to what I felt for it. To what I had to say to it.

Suddenly the wind tightened around my feet. Slowly rising to my legs. It was caressing my body. It did care. So what it couldn’t talk or that I couldn’t see it… I could atleast feel it. It did care about how I felt. I felt it hugging me tight. Felt it like a second skin and I was scared again.

No! this can’t be happening. Am I just going to go with the flow. Follow something new so blindly? No!! I need to be firm. Need to stand on my feet. Need to be strong. But …. But…. The feeling was so beautiful. Something that I hadn’t sensed before.

A sense of complete emptiness but not hollow, not a void.
It was like I was full of everything and yet felt nothing. Where everyone was around me and yet I had my space to be just with myself. So much chaos inside me and yet no stress.

I couldn’t understand this…that time. I understand it now. Now that I am living in it. Now that I am away from ‘my marked area’, ‘my land’.

When I looked down there wasn’t ground beneath me. I had been so overwhelmed with my feelings that I never knew when the wind carried me so high.
Now I wanted to go higher. To see what it was like to feel the new ground… but only there wasn’t any. Just openness all around and the wind.